


First Pick

by ComeOnThrillMe



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, Coming Out, First Time, Harry Potter Epilogue What Epilogue | EWE, M/M, Post-Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-18
Updated: 2020-05-18
Packaged: 2021-03-02 18:27:37
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 20,050
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24251320
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ComeOnThrillMe/pseuds/ComeOnThrillMe
Summary: Excerpt: “Raise a glass to the sexiest man in the world!” The rest of the table paused for a second, then raised their glass and cheered. There were various whistles and hollers aimed at Charlie, who blushed and smiled politely. The table got quiet when they realized Harry was still standing and was intending on continuing.Harry stared at Charlie. Charlie stared back. Harry couldn’t read the expression on Charlie’s face, so he decided to channel his Gryffindor spirit and continue.“And raise a glass to losing your virginity!”. The room immediately silenced.Or the one where Harry Potter thinks he'll finally catch a break after the war, but a drunken outburst and the re-appearance of a certain blonde leads to more conflict and more heart-break.
Relationships: Draco Malfoy/Harry Potter, Harry Potter/Charlie Weasley
Comments: 4
Kudos: 82





	First Pick

**Chapter One**

The year after the Battle of Hogwarts was…. different. So much had changed in the past year, and yet so much remained the same. The day after the final battle, Harry took Molly Weasley up on her offer to move into the Burrow. He knew this was the best place for him – this was not a time for him to be alone and he knew the Weasleys would appreciate the extra support. So, he moved in. Living at the Burrow had always brought Harry joy, and this was no exception. The family was grieving, but they were also the Weasleys. They knew heartache, they knew bad times, and they knew how to cope – as a family.

So much had changed. Hermione had also decided to move into the Burrow, but after a month she said that it was time to find her own family. She went to Australia and found her parents and began the process of bringing back their memories. This process would be longer and more difficult than she had anticipated. She decided to live at the Burrow and make frequent trips to, as she called it “continue the process”. Often, she went alone, but sometimes Ron would accompany her (when he could get time away from training).

Yet another thing that had changed – Ron. A week after the final battle, Kingsley Shacklebolt (the new Minister of Magic) offered auror positions to Harry, Hermione, and Ron. Only Ron accepted. Hermione insisted that she would finish her final year of school and McGonagall agreed to let her take her NEWTs courses via owl. Harry didn’t know what to do and so decided to do nothing. Ron, on the other hand, quickly took Kingsley up on the job and soon started training. Every day of training was another day of Ron gaining confidence. The auror offer combined with the events of the battle left Ron more sure of himself. This was something that was _his_ for once and his alone. He relished in the idea of being the only auror in the family and took it as a great honor (boasting and bragging about it every change he got).

Thankfully, the change with Ginny was welcomed. Shortly after arriving at the Burrow, Harry knew he had no intentions of re-kindling any sort of romantic relationship with Ginny but didn’t know exactly how to approach the conversation. The two had drifted far apart during the past year and now with the death of her brother, Ginny was different. And if he was being honest with himself, Harry was different too. The conversation between the two happened just one week before Ginny was due to return to Hogwarts for her final year.

“Hey, Ginny, can we talk for a minute?”

“Sure – everything okay?” Harry ushered Ginny into the living room.

“Yeah – I just wanted to discuss….us.” Harry stated awkwardly as he tried to hold eye contact with the youngest Weasley.

“Oh, I don’t….” She said as Harry continued.

“I think it’s best if we…wait, what were you going to say?”

“I was going to say, I don’t think…there’s going to be…an us, Harry. I’m really sorry.”

“Oh, no that’s brilliant! Not, brilliant, but yes, I understand.”

“I’m sorry Harry, so much has happened and I’m going back to Hogwarts – you’re staying here. It’s best if we remain…friends. And besides Harry, I don’t think you and I had the right feelings for one another. I’ve thought about this quiet a lot actually and I think I always loved you more than you loved me. And that’s okay. I’m not upset about it…well, not anymore.”

Harry didn’t know what to say, so he said nothing. Ginny took his silence as agreement and simply turned and walked away as if there wasn’t much left to be said. And Harry guessed there really wasn’t.

So, that was that. Harry was…oddly sad about the conversation. Not sad because he wanted to be with Ginny, he honestly thought this was the best idea. But sad at the loss of normalcy he had experienced with Ginny. Even though he was glad that she too did not think re-establishing their relationship was a good idea, he couldn’t help but feel empty about the situation. At least back when he was with Ginny, he could look forward to something and someone. It made times in the forest more manageable, but even he had to be honest with himself, he wasn’t really thinking about Ginny. He was thinking about the idea of Ginny. The idea of having someone who you loved and who loved you back – like he watched Hermione and Ron develop. But this conversation with Ginny was right – Harry didn’t really ever love her like he was supposed to.

By the time Ginny was set to return to Hogwarts, Harry was starting to feel useless at the Burrow. Everyone had a task ahead of them or something they were _doing_. Ron was training to be an auror. Hermione was focusing on her parents and planning to start her distance classes from Hogwarts. Ginny was going back to school. Percy re-gained a position at the Ministry. Bill remained with the Ministry working as a curse breaker and George was making plans to re-open Weasleys’ Wizard Wheezes with Charlie.

Oh, that was something else that had changed. After much discussion, Charlie decided to leave his dragons. He insisted it wouldn’t be forever, but he told his boss at the sanctuary that after the war and the loss of his brother, he couldn’t be away from his family any longer. He was gone so much for the past 7 years and had missed so many memories with the family. With Fred’s passing, he decided to step-up and be the big brother he needed to be for George. He offered to come help him re-open the store and after much _more_ discussion, George agreed.

Life began to feel as if it was back to normal around October. Once Ginny went off to school, the house felt empty for a while – but Bill and Fleur came around often, Percy decided to permanently move-in and the house was back to busting at the seams. George and Charlie were enjoying testing new products and re-designing the shop. Hermione felt she was making real progress in her “process”. Ron was still _bragging_ about his training but was beginning to be less of a prat and understood not everyone wanted to hear about every minute of his day-to-day activities. Things were feeling better – and isn’t it those times when things start to fall apart?

**Chapter Two**

It started out small. Harry was left with a lot of time to himself and with his thoughts. In the past, he would have used this time to think about the next _task_ , the next _assignment_ , the next “thing” he needed to do in order to survive. To save others. But that was…over. When he was alone in the Burrow, his mind began to wander to those who died. He quickly learned that that was not a healthy road to go down (just ask the bottles and bottles of Firewhisky Ron had to pull out of his hand on many nights after the war). So, instead, he thought about… everything else. He thought about what he might want to do, how he wanted his life to be, and who he might want to be with. It was in these thoughts that Harry had to confront a scary truth – there were many reasons he and Ginny should not be together. But the one he failed to mention was that he thought he might be gay.

The thought wasn’t as shocking as it probably should have been. Thinking back on it, it all made perfect sense. Things with Cho never worked out (obviously for many reasons), but ultimately it was because (as he could now acknowledge) he actually fancied Cedric. He never allowed himself to entertain these thoughts in the past. They seemed silly and trivial compared to the events in his life. But now, with nothing else to focus on, here they were.

Harry wasn’t _afraid_ of these thoughts, but he knew that if they were true (which, they were) that that would mean even more changes to come. This was both a terrifying and thrilling thought.

And change they did. After his realization, Harry felt like he was more _aware_ of certain things. Ron’s Quidditch posters now stuck out a lot more than they ever had before (which made falling asleep and sharing a room with your best mate very difficult). He was also now in a house with a lot of men. Granted, he saw most of these men as his brothers (they were brothers to Ron after all), but that didn’t stop him from looking…at one in particular.

It wasn’t as though Harry had never seen these things before. He simply hadn’t allowed himself to dwell on what he was seeing or allow himself time to focus on those things and think about what they meant. Or, maybe more than think…

As Harry was becoming more comfortable with the idea of his sexuality, he allowed himself to not only be _aware_ of things but look at them and…think about them. It really did start small. A quick glance as he noticed a certain someone walking out of the shower, soaking wet and wearing nothing but his towel. A little-too-long stare while playing a game of pick-up Quidditch and focusing on the way that someone’s body moved on a broom. Or, in the case of today, a late-night drinking session.

Harry couldn’t sleep…again and the moving posters kept making it more and more difficult to not indulge in his new-found thoughts. He wasn’t averse to indulging, but he couldn’t bring himself to do it with Ron so close…and snoring as loud as the Hogwarts Express. So, he decided to make his way down the spiraling staircase and into the kitchen. As he moved further down the stairs, he could tell a light was on and someone was rummaging around. Upon further inspection – he saw the outline of Charlie (an outline he now knew too well) and what looked like a bottle of Firewhisky on the table. As Harry hit the last the stair, Charlie turned around quickly.

“Dragon’s piss Harry! You scared me!” Charlie whispered into the room.

“Sorry, I just couldn’t sleep.” Noticing Charlie’s demeanor and state of dress, Harry assumed that’s why Charlie was down here as well. Harry allowed himself a quick glance over the Weasley before focusing back on his face.

Charlie nodded toward the bottle and Harry shrugged. Charlie took out a second glass and began to pour a little of the contents into the glass. Harry didn’t know what overcame him in that moment, but he suddenly felt…chatty.

“Are you really okay with leaving Romania?”

Charlie looked startled by the severity of the question and looked down at the glass in his hand. “Yes and no. I wanted to be back with the family. We’ve all been through so much and I’ve had to miss a lot because of my job – this is where I need to be.”

Harry felt Charlie pause and thought the answer was finished, but guessed Charlie was feeling chatty too because he continued.

“I went to Romania right after graduation because I knew this was not the place for me. I needed to be with people that felt as I do – who looked for adventure and felt that there was a higher purpose to life than some office job at the Ministry. The dragons were an added bonus.” Harry smirked and allowed Charlie to continue.

“When I got to Romania, everything fit. I felt at home – more at home than I ever felt anywhere. But I knew that I was giving up a lot (and making my mother very nervous). So yes, I am okay being here. But there are reasons I left – and I do keep thinking about those reasons.”

Harry looked at Charlie’s hand on the glass and noticed the grip Charlie had on the glass. Charlie looked up. The two made eye contact. Harry felt a heat rise up the back of his neck and decided to ask another question to cut the tension.

“Did you leave anyone behind in Romania? Anyone…special? Someone you’d like to get back to?”

Charlie smirked and continued to look directly at Harry – who had now decided to look anywhere BUT Charlie. Before answering, Charlie poured another drink for Harry then settled the bottle back on the table.

“No, no one special for me in Romania. That’s not to say I haven’t had my fair share of brief relationships – on and off again romances, and the occasional one-night stands, but no one ever really stuck. Mom kept hoping there would be. She included it in nearly every single letter she wrote, but alas – nothing for me. What about you? I know you and Ginny were together for a while. I don’t want details, that’s my sister and all, but are you two still together?”

Harry didn’t know if it was because he was now on his second class of whisky or because there was something about talking with Charlie that made Harry feel calm, but he decided to just come out and say it. Aloud. For the first time. 

“No, we aren’t together anymore. We broke up before she went back to Hogwarts. But, honestly, it’s for the best. I’m pretty sure I’m gay.”

Charlie spit out the small amount of Firewhisky that had just landed in his mouth. “Oh, I…I didn’t realize…does anyone know? I obviously won’t say anything, but I just haven’t heard anything about that.” Harry could tell Charlie had suddenly turned nervous.

“No, no one knows. Just you. It’s a fairly new development. I don’t like too much attention and therefore don’t want to broadcast anything about it at the moment. I’m enjoying my 4-week streak of NOT being the cover story of the Daily Prophet.”

Charlie smiled and allowed his shoulders to relax. “Yeah, I completely understand. I didn’t exactly have the luxury when I came out. Mom caught me with a boy from school in our living room during winter hols my sixth year. I thought she and dad had taken everyone to London for the evening, but they returned early. Her scream was enough to bring everyone rushing in to find me failing at trying to button up my shirt while my ‘date’ was hastily pulling up his trousers. It was awful, but at least it got it out there.”

Harry stared at the man in front of him. He had no idea that Charlie was also gay. This was going to make things much worse…

“I didn’t know… Ron never said anything about it.”

“Yeah, no one really talks about it much. Like I said, I think mom still expects me to show up with a woman one day and most of the family just doesn’t acknowledge it. Bill has been great about it though– he’d be okay with you too if you wanted to tell him. George is coming around to it too. He and I have been bonding much more now and he made a joke the other day that tells me he knows what I am and is fine with it enough to make jokes about it. But I actually think the rest of them have kind of forgotten about the whole thing…Ron and Ginny were pretty young at the time.”

“I, I don’t think I’m ready for that yet. I’m still figuring stuff out.” Harry knew that was an understatement and was code for ‘I’ve been staring at Quidditch posters…and you.’

“No, I completely understand. Take your time. I wasn’t ready either – I’m still not ready for it all to be out there if I’m honest. I think that’s why I let mum think what she wants and I keep living so far away.”

A comfortable silence fell upon both men as they continued to sit at the table together, each finishing their current glass. Harry eventually decided to go back to bed. He had a lot to think about and with his glasses of Firewhisky knew that the minute his head hit his pillow he would be out.

Charlie watched Harry leave and as Harry turned his head around, Charlie attempted a half smile – somewhere between neutral and reassuring. As soon as he was sure Harry was out of sight, Charlie ran his fingers through his hair and let out an exhale. There is was. The Boy Who Lived, The Savior, The Chose One, was gay. And Charlie was screwed.

**Chapter Three**

Two weeks went by. Two weeks of Charlie catching Harry looking at him. Sometimes, Charlie would play up to it. When he knew Harry was watching – like after a game of pick-up Quidditch - Charlie would catch Harry staring as they headed back into the Burrow and would slowly decide to remove his shirt. He would watch as Harry’s mouth fell open and he would watch as Harry looked around nervously and tried to re-compose himself. Charlie would smirk to himself and head back inside for a long shower.

But after two weeks, Charlie couldn’t take much more. The staring had become mutual. He thought he was going to lose it yesterday when he, Harry, and Hermione had been in the kitchen and Harry attempted to reach for a glass that was on a high shelf. He watched as Harry’s arm tried and tried to grasp the glass, each time his shirt rising higher and higher – exposing more and more skin. He finally managed to grasp it, only for it to slip out of his hand. Hermione noticed and tossed a spell to protect it from shattering and the glass hit the floor and rolled under the table. That should have been the end of it, but Harry (Charlie swears this boy forgets he can do magic) decided to go to his hands and knees and go under the table to get it. Charlie never took his eyes off Harry. When he finally had the glass, Charlie looked at Hermione who was already staring at him and giving him…a look.

So, after a rather long day of watching George try and fail to create a firecracker that would only explode with a secret code word (which resulted in a lot of booming and banging in the shop), Charlie decided to make a move.

Charlie turned left to go into his room and waited patiently as everyone around him sluggishly dragged themselves into their respective rooms and beds. Charlie grabbed Harry by the arm and pulled him into his room. He threw Harry up against the wall and kissed him – hard and deep. For a split second he thought he had made a mistake as he felt Harry tense up. But then, he could feel the exact moment Harry relaxed and kissed back. Harry opened his mouth, only slightly, but enough for Charlie to push inside. As soon as he was in, he quickly pulled his whole body away. He needed to see Harry’s face. Needed to make sure this was what he wanted.

When he pulled back, he saw Harry’s eyes wide and in a permanent state of shock and arousal. He waited what felt like minutes but knew could only be seconds. He watched as Harry slowly took one small step forward, then pressed his lips up against Charlie’s. This kiss was chaste, slower, more hesitant. Charlie accepted it and mirrored Harry, not wanting to go too fast. It wasn’t long before the kiss turned back to the heat it had before. Harry started to push back against Charlie and led their way to Charlie’s bed. They stayed this way for a while before Charlie backed away. He opened his eye to see Harry, once again aroused, but no longer in the same state of shock. This Harry looked more sure and more open.

“Harry, we have to talk about this.” Charlie said with hesitation and trying to compose himself. He hated to stop what was happening but knew this was going to need to be discussed. 

Harry shifted his body on the bed and placed his hands in his lap. Charlie felt that this pose made Harry look much more innocent than the man who had been kissing him merely seconds prior. “Oh, right…yeah okay…talk, sure.”

“It’s just that you’re Ron’s best mate. I’m his (much older) brother. I want to be clear about what this is and what it can be before we go any further. I don’t want you getting the wrong idea and I know a lot of this is new to you, so I just want to make sure we are…clear.”

“You’re not THAT much older”. Harry tried to make his tone sound light-hearted and that he wasn’t internally screaming.

Charlie smiled and continued to stare at Harry until he was sure what he had said had sunk in.

“No, I understand all of that. I only recently figured some of this stuff out. I’m probably not ready for anything…serious.” Harry felt confident as he spoke, but that confidence shattered as more words suddenly came out of his mouth. “Unless! Unless you don’t want to do this at all! Which I would COMPLETELY understand. I’m sure it isn’t super exciting to be with a virgin – much less one you’ve known since he was so young and all. I’m just going to go back to my room…”. Harry turned to move towards the door and began to stand. Charlie quickly placed his hand on his forearm and brought him back toward to the bed.

“That’s not what I’m saying, Harry. I do want this – but we need to be clear about what THIS is. I plan to go back to Romania eventually. I’m not sure when, but I will go back. I also don’t plan on leaving behind a boyfriend in the meantime. Do you understand what I’m saying?”

Harry’s face softened – he did understand. “Yes. Yes, I understand. I’m happy with whatever.”

“Good. Now, I do think you should go back to your room.” Charlie watched Harry’s face fall. “Not because I don’t want to do anything with you, but because it is late and it’s been a very long and…loud day.”

Harry smiled and nodded. He stood up and made his way towards the door. Before he left, he turned around one last time, “Goodnight, Charlie”. Charlie looked up at him and smiled, “Goodnight, Harry”.

Harry returned to the room he shared with Ron and began to dress for bed.

“Alright, mate?”

Harry was startled by the sudden sound in the silent room. He thought for sure Ron would be asleep by now, though the lack of snores should have been a clue that he wasn’t.

“Yeah, I’m good. Just went for a walk outside for a bit. You know, get some fresh air.”

“Right….well, ‘night.”

“’Night”. Harry looked up at the moving posters, smiled and turned on his side. He drifted off to sleep that night with a permanent smile on his face.

**Chapter Four**

Things from that point on moved rather quickly. Two days after their discussion, Charlie decided to further their physical relationship. He told Harry (repeatedly) that he would only do as much as he was comfortable with and would go as slow or as fast as he wanted.

It turns out Harry was fairly eager to explore this new side of him. Harry learned quickly and was always ready to keep going wherever Charlie led him.

After a week of this, Harry was enjoying the smirks he and Charlie would share across the living room after dinners. He liked this “secret” the two of them shared and anytime he found himself staring at Charlie he remembered he could actually have him. It was an exciting feeling. But he made sure to keep himself together. This was his mate’s older brother. Granted, the two of them hadn’t spent much time together while Harry was growing up, but still. Harry loved being part of the Weasley family and had no intentions of messing that up.

Harry had been pretty proud of himself. It had been 2 weeks after their talk, and he wasn’t feeling anything towards the man except lust. He allowed himself to give everything (well, not everything…yet) to this man and would reciprocate every time and was even getting to the point of being really good at initiating. He was enjoying the process of learning about himself and his body. What did he like? What didn’t he like? How far was he comfortable with going? All of these things were things Charlie was there to show him. And Charlie knew quite a bit. He knew how to explain things to Harry before they happened in a way that made Harry more comfortable and also extremely turned on. He was actually just…really good in general. Granted, Harry didn’t have anything to compare it to, but he was enjoying himself.

But Harry honestly wasn’t prepared for the emotions that were to come.

Charlie had wanted to talk first and make sure Harry was absolutely sure before they went any further. Harry assured him he was indeed ready (and he was!). When the time came, it was actually quite perfect. They had waited for everyone to go to bed and for the house to be quiet (or as quiet as the Burrow could get). Charlie cast multiple spells on the door to ensure they wouldn’t be heard or disturbed.

Charlie went slow and made sure Harry was comfortable and would enjoy the experience (however uncomfortable it might be). Harry became fixated on watching the way Charlie’s arms moved while he was on top of him and loved watching Charlie’s eyes open and close while he was inside of him. The sounds Charlie made were amazing and he felt he could listen to those sounds for the rest of his life. Wait, that was a dangerous thought. Harry wanted to remain focused and allowed himself to take in every moment of the experience.

When it was done, Harry laid on his back and stared up at the ceiling. He felt…the same, but different. He turned to look at the man next to him, who laid bare-chested and out of breath. Charlie was smiling as he turned to look at Harry. That’s when Harry felt it. His chest felt tight and he felt like he had a lump in this throat. This whole night had been experiences he had never had or felt before. He knew this couldn’t be good but when Charlie opened his arm up for Harry, Harry snuggled in and fell asleep on his chest. 

They laid there until the sun came up and Charlie decided Harry should make his way back to his room before people saw him coming out of Charlie’s room and begin their questions. Harry really didn’t want to leave, but he knew Charlie was right. He went back to his room, laid in his own bed, and felt a strange mix of emotions. He was so happy about the night he had just experienced, but he was worried about the way leaving Charlie made him feel. Laying in his own bed and listening to Ron’s snores made him feel alone and uncomfortable – he wanted to be back in Charlie’s arms and snuggled up against that bare-chest. This couldn’t be good…

Harry continued whatever this was with Charlie. Anytime the little feeling would make itself known in his chest he would push it away. Logical and rational Harry would take over and tell himself, “No, Harry, you don’t actually feel this way. This is the first man you’ve been with. It’s normal to feel something – but it’ll pass. It’s fine. It’s not real.” But then Charlie would look over at him, once again bare-chested and out of breath, and emotional Harry would take over. Charlie would open his arm and Harry would snuggle in. The chest would tighten, and the throat would close.

He couldn’t help himself. He noticed small changes in Charlie after their first night together. Charlie seemed…more sweet and attentive towards Harry. Nothing that anyone would necessarily notice, but little things like re-filling his drinking glass for him at dinner or grabbing Harry’s broom out of the shed for him before their Quidditch games. He knew these things didn’t necessarily mean anything. Charlie was just being nice. He was just a nice guy.

Harry told himself many times over the next several months that he should stop. His feelings were getting dangerous. Charlie would smile at him across the room and Harry’s heart would stop. He would accidently brush against Harry while moving around the kitchen and Harry would go weak. He knew he should just stop. Stop having sex with Charlie. Stop looking at him from across the room. Stop watching him after a Quidditch game. Stop waiting for him at night. But he couldn’t. He didn’t want to.

He knew he had never felt this way before and that meant it wouldn’t lead to anywhere good. By this point, he was enjoying more than just the little “secret” the two of them had. He was enjoying…everything. He loved the way Charlie would smile at him when he got home from work. He loved the way Charlie still pulled Harry into his room with a devilish grin even though they both knew it was going to happen. He loved how careful Charlie was with him and how much attention he gave him. Most importantly, he loved when that arm would open, and he hated when that arm was gone.

That’s why when mid-March came around and Charlie pulled Harry into his room in the middle of the day, Harry knew something was wrong. One look at Charlie and he knew whatever Charlie was about to say wasn’t going to be good. Charlie never pulled Harry in during the day, especially when people were home and walking all over the Burrow.

Charlie sat Harry down on the bed, carefully. He had planned out what he was going to say for the past month. Ever since he wrote his letter to the dragon sanctuary that stated that he planned to return to Romania on April 1st. It had been a difficult decision, but after nearly a year since the Battle of Hogwarts, his family was moving on. George was far more than capable of running the shop on his own. His mother _loved_ having Harry and Hermione in the house and Ginny announced she had been recruited for the Holyhead Harpies and would be staying at the Burrow after graduation until the Harpies’ season started in September.

Charlie looked at Harry and let out a breath. “Harry, I’m going back to Romania….on April 1st.”

Harry sat on the bed in shock. Yes, of course he knew this day would come. Yes, he knew he shouldn’t feel tears starting to swell in his eyes. And yes, he knew that tightness in his chest was about to burst. But he calmly looked at Charlie and said, “Okay. Two weeks, wow, that’s….soon, but yeah okay. Thanks…I guess…for, everything.”

Thanks for everything?! Really Harry?! That’s what you want to say?! Harry screamed at himself inside his head but made sure that his face remained neutral.

Charlie didn’t know what he was expecting, but it wasn’t a thank you. Charlie had grown fond of Harry, but he always knew he would be going back. “Harry, we made it clear in the beginning what this was. We both knew I would return to Romania sooner or later. We discussed this…”

“Yeah – I’m happy for you! It’s great! I’m sure your dragons and your co-workers miss you loads.” Harry knew his voice was way too high pitched but couldn’t bother to care. “Wait. Have you told your family?”

“No, I wanted to tell you first and…well, in private.”

“Oh. Right. Well, I’m fine! No need to worry about me.” Harry knew his smile didn’t look genuine, but he no longer cared. He needed to get to his room… and quick.

Charlie looked at Harry closely then said, “Great, then I think I’ll tell them at dinner tonight.”

“Great!” Harry exclaimed then quickly made his way to the door and straight into his room. The tightness burst. He cried until Molly yelled for dinner.

Harry kept his eyes on his food throughout dinner. He was careful not to look at Charlie. Molly noticed rather quickly and asked him if he was alright – to which he replied “yeah, just feeling tired. I’ll probably head to bed soon.”

“Well, before you do Harry, Charlie says he has news and he wants to tell the whole family! Charlie, what is it son?” Arthur smiled at Charlie and waited for Charlie to start.

Charlie told his family the news in more or less the same way he told Harry (without some parts obviously). The family reacted rather well. Percy and Bill had stayed late at work – Charlie would probably tell them later. Ron continued to eat and with a mouthful of potatoes said “Okay”. “We will miss you Charlie, but I expect you’re missing the excitement”, Hermione smiled politely from across the table. Harry wondered if Charlie had already written to Ginny at Hogwarts about it. Charlie and George must have been talking about this for a while because George merely remarked “Okay, but don’t think those dragons will be nearly as cool as the dragon-roasted mints I just developed! They make fire shoot out your nose!”

Charlie smiled, “You’re right George, probably not.” Then turned his attention towards his mother. She had gone awfully quiet. “Mum, you okay?”

Molly looked at her son and a smile rose on her face. “Of course dear! I know that’s where your heart is. We knew you’d go back eventually, but these past few months you seemed rather happy. I’m not going to lie and say I hadn’t secretly hoped you would stay here, find a someone, maybe settle down, but I guess a mother has to let her sons go eventually…again.”

His father simply put his hand on his shoulder and gave it a light shake while giving a half smile. Charlie knew his father would miss him, he always did, but he would be fine.

“May I be excused? I’m really not feeling well.” Harry pushed his chair back and placed his hand on stomach in an attempt to look sick.

“Of course dear! Go on up to bed! I’ll send Hermione up in a bit to check on you.” Hermione shot Harry an empathetic yet knowing look. One that said, “I know you’re not sick, but that’s okay…”. Harry made a mental note to not be alone with Hermione anytime soon.

Harry walked towards the stairs as quick as possible without looking suspicious. The last thing he heard as he ascended the staircase was George mention something about a going-away celebration. “Great” Harry muttered under his breath as his quickly found his room and broke down again.

**Chapter Five**

Harry made sure to avoid Charlie as much as possible for the next two weeks. He was doing a great job of it. He would wake up early and go into town to “shop” and return only in time for dinner and bed. He decided to spend his time in town talking with Kingsley about possible jobs. He knew that once Charlie left he would need something to occupy his time. Otherwise, that feeling in his chest might consume him and kill him…Okay, he was being pretty dramatic about the whole thing. Which is why he took careful steps to distance himself and attempt to allow himself time to deal with all of the feelings that had been bubbling up for the past 6 months.

Harry realized rather quickly that any open time he had to himself, he would fill with thoughts of self-doubt and inadequacy. He knew why Charlie was leaving and he knew it was never going to be more than casual, but he also knew he had fallen hard. Some part of him must have thought Charlie would stay…for him, but that was ridiculous! Charlie had a life in Romania! Harry was nothing to Charlie! Just someone to mess around with for the time being.

These thoughts were dangerous to Harry, so he had to stay away.

This was a solid plan, until George decided to make the going-away celebration a reality. Harry tried on many occasions to get out of it, but every time George or Ron or both would respond with “Mate! Everyone will be there! We are going to a new wizard pub in London – Hermione, Seamus, Dean, Lee, Ginny, everyone!”. Harry eventually said he would go, but made it clear he would NOT be staying late. Hermione gave him a look that reeked of pity and knowing. She had been giving him this look for the past 2 weeks. Anytime someone mentioned Charlie leaving, Hermione would LOOK at him. He decided to leave it alone lest he discover Hermione _knew_ something (which he knew she did – it’s Hermione).

Two hours before they were set to leave, Harry heard someone coming into the room. Harry figured it was Ron wanting to ask for the millionth time, “Do you think Hermione would be cool with me getting drunk tonight? But like, are you _sure?”_. It wasn’t Ron. Hermione made her way into the room and sat on Harry’s bed and took his hand.

Harry looked up at her, “Hermione…can I help you?” and slowly began to retract his hand.

“I just wanted to tell you, it’s okay to be sad. Charlie leaving is…hard on everyone.” The way her eyes squinted gave away that she definitely did not mean _everyone_.

“I’m fine Hermione, really. I don’t know what you’re implying, but I’m great! Now, go take care of your boyfriend. He thinks you’ll get mad if he drinks too much tonight.” Hermione gave Harry a smile and stood to leave.

“You know Harry, first loves hurt. They hurt…a lot.” Before Harry could respond she was gone.

When they got to the pub, Harry started slow. He nursed a butterbeer and decided to sit as far away from Charlie as possible. The rest of his mates had other plans. Seamus ordered the first round of Firewhisky and tossed a glass over to Harry. Harry took it and immediately felt the tingle spread over him.

The night continued in the same way. Various people would go to the bar, order shots for the group, the group would take them, and the speech would slur more and more. Harry noticed the more he drank, the more he looked at Charlie. The more he looked at Charlie, the more his chest tightened. Harry realized that as his chest tightened, it wasn’t because he was sad. It wasn’t because he lost his “first love” and it wasn’t because he was hurt. It was because he was angry. He was angry that he allowed himself to get this way. He was angry that Charlie was leaving. He was angry that no one else was as upset as he was.

He didn’t realize exactly _how_ drunk he had allowed himself to get until it was too late. George had decided it would be a good idea to give toasts “to the man who is leaving to sleep with his dragons!”. Seamus and Dean went first, each giving some variation of “I don’t know you too well, mate. But I’m happy for you and I hope you never meet our girlfriends…I don’t think they would be ours for much longer.” Charlie gave a half-smile and glanced over at Harry.

Ginny gave a drunken, yet very sweet speech about how great of a brother he was and how he was much better than Ron. Ron didn’t even try to argue, he simply piggy-backed off of Ginny’s speech and said “hear, hear!” Hermione’s toast was elegant as always, it probably helped that she hadn’t drank _nearly_ as much as the rest around her.

When the circle turned to Harry, he didn’t even hesitate. He stood quickly – too quickly. The room spun around him, and he immediately said to himself, “I should leave. I should go home, sit down Harry”. But that part of him was quickly gone as he decided to allow himself to speak.

“Raise a glass to the sexiest man in the world!” The rest of the table paused for a second, then raised their glass and cheered. There were various whistles and hollers aimed at Charlie, who blushed and smiled politely. The table got quiet when they realized Harry was still standing and was intending on continuing.

Harry stared at Charlie. Charlie stared back. Harry couldn’t read the expression on Charlie’s face, so he decided to channel his Gryffindor spirit and continue.

“And raise a glass to losing your virginity!”. The room immediately silenced. “Let’s have a toast to falling stupidly in love with someone who will never love you back. This is to the man who was nothing but honest with me and I went and mucked it up with my _feelings_. Anyone else ever have that tightness in their chest? No? Is that just me? Oh, well then that makes sense! It’s always JUST ME. It’s JUST ME who realizes their sexuality _after_ they’ve already had two girlfriends and killed a dark lord. It’s JUST ME who loses their virginity to their best mate’s older brother only to hear him say he would rather live in another COUNTRY than be with you. Yeah, makes sense, it’s always just me…”.

And there they were. All of Harry’s thoughts, feelings, secrets, and insecurities laid out for all of Wizarding London to see.

When Harry sat back down, he quickly grabbed an entire bottle of Firewhisky from the table and took a long swig straight from the bottle. The whole table turned and looked at Charlie. Charlie looked…furious, hurt, and exposed. He quickly turned and looked at the eyes staring at him. Ron looked ready to vomit. George looked ready to murder someone. Ginny’s face was frozen in an annoying and inaudible gasp. The rest of the men at the table suddenly found their beverage fascinating as they refused to look up from the table. Hermione looked…what was that look, was it pity? Great, now Hermione Granger PITIED him.

Charlie threw his chair back and stormed out of the pub. George followed after him, but the rest of the group decided they were way too drunk to deal with this and decided to call it a night. Hermione and Seamus tried to get Harry to leave, but he refused. Ron walked over and took one of Harry’s arms while Dean grabbed the other. Harry began to fight back and yell. He threw his arms around like a child, all the while crying and yelling something about “-harlie!” and “Sorry ‘arlie!”.

In the midst of his fighting, he felt a cold hand touch his back. It was at that moment that he realized his shirt had ridden up and he must now look awful. He heard the owner of the cool hand speak to Ron, “I’ll take him home. Just tell me where I’m going.”

“Why do you think we’d let him leave with YOU? We are trying to get him home _alive_.”

“Ron! Stop it! Thank you, Draco. That would be helpful.” Hermione decided to wrangle up the rest of the table and step outside.

“Why on Earth did you leave Harry with HIM, Hermione?!” Ron asked furiously as they stepped out into the cool street.

“Because _Ronald_ , the rest of you are in no state to try and take care of him right now. Besides, I don’t think there’s anything we can do for him at the moment. Draco has changed. Remember, Harry said so himself and that’s why he spoke for him at his trial. I heard from Blaise that he’s working to become a healer. A HEALER Ron. Do you think an ex-Death Eater turned healer would put all of that at risk to hurt our Harry?”

Ron went silent. “Since when do you talk to Blaise?”

“Honestly Ron! You never listen! I told you – he’s working at the Ministry in the centaur rights office. I’ve been meeting with him about a perspective job after I finish with Hogwarts. I’ve told you this!”

“Oh…right. So, do you think everything Harry said about Charlie was true? I mean, it looked true…especially the way Charlie reacted. But how could all of that have happened without us knowing?” Hermione looked at Ron.

“Of course you knew! Why didn’t you tell me?”

“I wasn’t sure of anything Ron. I just had a _feeling_. Besides, if Harry wanted us to know, he would have told us. Let’s go home.” Ron sighed as he and Hermione disapparated back to the Burrow to deal with Charlie.

**Chapter Six**

Back in the pub, Harry was holding a glass of water. He felt as if he had blacked out. He couldn’t remember who gave him the water or when he had moved to the bar instead of his table. That’s when a cool hand touched his back…oh, that’s right, Draco is here.

Draco decided to stay silent and wait for Harry to speak. He watched the broken man stare at his glass of water until he eventually looked up at Draco like he had just realized he was sitting there.

“Thanks…for the water.”

“You’re welcome – do you want to talk about it?”

Apparently that was the wrong thing for Draco to say because talk about it he DID. Draco heard everything. But to his credit, his upbringing taught him it was rude to make faces while someone was speaking. So, he sat and listened with a neutral expression on his face. He only made a face twice – once when Harry said he was gay and once when Harry went in _excruciating and unnecessary detail_ about how “beautiful and perfect” his first time had been.

“Merlin, Potter. I’m going to be sick.”

“You asked if I wanted to talk about it! If I knew you were going to be homophobic about it, I would have kept my mouth shut!” Harry stood to leave and noticed that he wasn’t as drunk as he was before – but still nowhere near sober.

Draco reached out to grab his arm and pull him back down. Why was everyone grabbing Harry and pulling him down?! Harry shot a glare at him but sat back on the bar stool.

“Harry, I’m not homophobic. I’m gay too. I’m more… romancephobic and _feelings_ phobic. And you just gave me a lot of both.”

“Yeah, well, I don’t know about the romance part, but I definitely have a lot of…feelings at the moment. I just can’t believe I allowed myself to get like this. I’m so embarrassed. I just outed myself. I outed Charlie. Oh shite, I OUTED CHARLIE. TO HIS WHOLE FAMILY! I’m the worst person...” Harry put his head on the bar and covered his head with his hands.

“Hey, Savior of the Wizarding World, you are definitely not the worst person. You’re talking to a death eater – you could be much much worse.”

“EX-death eater and even YOU didn’t out someone to an entire pub full of people.”

“No, but I understand. You were upset. It’s not okay what you did, but it took guts Potter.”

“Harry, earlier you called me…Harry. Why did you stop?”

“Don’t go getting soft on me too Potter. You’re drunk and imagining things. It’s time I take you home…which is where exactly?”

Harry stood to walk out onto the street with Draco. Draco took his arm and Harry felt a warmth rise up his arm. Before he could comment on the feeling – they were spinning. When they apparated back to the Burrow, Harry looked at the tall structure that had always made him feel so whole. Now, he looked at it and felt empty.

“You have to go in eventually, you know?”

“Want to come in with me?” Harry smiled hopefully at Draco.

“Not even a little bit Potter but send me an owl and tell me how it all goes. I’m invested now.”

“Right, well, better get on with it then.” Harry made his way towards the door of the Burrow. As he was about to enter, he heard Draco say “Oh, and Potter, if it’s anything to you, I would really rather you NOT continue on your outing spree tonight. I have a reputation to protect.” Harry rolled his eyes as Draco pretended to slick back his hair, then disapparate.

**Chapter Seven**

When Harry entered the Burrow, he had expected to be charged at and hexed by several red-headed Weasley children. Instead, he was met with silence. It appeared as though everyone was too drunk to yell and had instead gone to bed. Harry started to make his way towards the staircase but was stopped by someone sitting in the living room. “Harry.”

Harry spun around much too quickly and noticed Hermione sitting on the oversized and beat-up brown sofa. “Hermione I’m really tired. I’m not interested in a lecture tonight. I’ll catch you in the morning.”

“Harry, I’m not going to lecture you. I want to _talk with you._ Also, Ron insisted that someone should stay up until you got home to make sure Malfoy didn’t kill you.”

“Draco was…nice actually. He listened to me and tried to give me some advice, I think. I feel…terrible about what I did. All those things I said. I’m so embarrassed.” Harry looked down at his shoes. He could feel the tears coming but insisted on pushing them down.

“Harry, no one is _mad_ at you. Well, except maybe Charlie and even then, I think he’s more hurt than mad. Everyone is just concerned. Ron is upset as to why you didn’t tell him and I think Ginny is surprisingly happy to hear that you’re…well…”.

“Gay?”

“Yeah, well, I didn’t want to label you if you hadn’t done so yourself. It’s important to let people speak their own truth.”

“Well, Hermione, yes, I’m gay. Very very very gay. And I slept with Charlie and I fell in love with Charlie and I outed Charlie and myself. So, we are all caught up – can I go to bed now?”

“Sure Harry. Just know, we are here for you if you want to talk. I know Ron doesn’t seem open it to it now, but I think he was just surprised is all.”

“’Night ‘Mione”.

“Night Harry”.

**Chapter Eight**

The next morning, Harry awoke with the worst headache he had ever experienced in his life. It was at that precise moment that he swore-off Firewhisky for good. As he glanced around his room, he saw a small potion bottle next to him on his nightstand. There was a note that read, “Drink me, I cure hangovers”. Harry drank the vial and immediately felt relief.

As his body and head recovered, the events of last night came flooding back to him. He slowly put on some clothes and begin to head to the kitchen. Molly was finishing cleaning-up breakfast and motioned for Harry to sit down. “Figured you needed your sleep – kept you a plate warm, dear.”

“Oh, thanks.” Harry took a bite of his bacon sandwich before asking, “Where’s Charlie at?”

“Oh, dear, he’s already left. Left early this morning. Said he was called in – apparently a dragon is on the loose! I never will understand why he does such a dangerous job! After everything we’ve been through, to go back to THAT…” Molly stopped when she noticed Harry’s face drop. “Oh dear, it’ll be alright. We all miss him terribly, but don’t worry dear – I made him promise to be back for your birthday party!”

Harry gaped at Molly, “My…my what?”

“Your party Harry! It’s not every day a young man turns 19! And I hear you’ve been talking with Kingsley about a prospective job opportunity – we will have lots to celebrate!”

“And Charlie said he would be coming back for it?”

“Oh yes! He tried to get out of it at first, claiming he couldn’t return and then immediately ask for time off, but I insisted! He’s missed too many family events already and you’re just as much of a brother to him as Ron is!”

“Right….” Harry looked down at his food and felt his face flush.

“Now, you eat up. I heard you all got back rather late last night.”

Harry ate the rest of his sandwich then went back to his room and immediately fell back asleep. He was in no shape to process any of this.

**Chapter Nine**

The months between the drunken night at the pub and his party went by very slowly. He tried to spend as much time asleep in his room as possible, but also felt he owed several people an explanation and an apology.

He started with Ron. He decided to tell him everything. Well, not _everything_ , but enough for Ron to get the idea. Like Hermione said, Ron was fine with it. He was just upset that Harry felt he couldn’t talk to him about it, but also understood it was his brother so…

Harry wrote to Ginny at Hogwarts and found she was just as Hermione said as well. She was happy to have something to “blame” their breakup on. Although, Harry didn’t really think it was fitting to think of it that way, he let her have it.

George was, surprisingly, the most upset with Harry. He didn’t care that Harry was gay and he really didn’t care that he had had a relationship with Charlie. George knew Charlie was gay as he and Charlie had become close over the past year and was old enough to remember the ‘incident’ in the living room, but outing him in front of everyone and going into detail about their time together was “too much Harry”.

It was strange to see the jokester so serious about something, but Harry understood and apologized deeply. George also understood that Harry was hurting but advised Harry NOT to write to Charlie. They both needed time to process. Harry said he understood and left it at that.

The one he wasn’t prepared for was Draco. He wrote to him like he said he would. He told him how everyone responded and even threw in a “Don’t worry, no one else was outed in the meantime”.

Draco responded back quickly and insisted on knowing more about his past relationship with Ginny, and asking questions like “how did you NOT know you were gay? Were you living under a rock? Better yet, how did you not know I was gay?!”

Harry responded to Draco’s letters as soon has got them. He talked about Ginny and Cho (and that led to Cedric – which Draco agreed with). The Cedric conversation led to a conversation about their first same-sex crushes, surprisingly they realized they had the same one…Oliver Wood. Through these letters Harry was able to process all of the things he had been feeling since his realization 6 months ago. Draco was someone who understood. Draco would talk about his own experiences and the difficulties of growing up gay _and_ a pureblood. Harry had never really thought about what that would mean for a family such as the Malfoys to have a gay child, especially their only son. 

Harry responded and they continued back and forth until two days before Harry’s birthday. Harry had written to Draco about it several times and they had discussed ways in which Harry could handle the situation (some actually helpful, others not so much – like Harry parading around in his “birthday suit” and showing Charlie “what he was missing out on”, definitely Draco’s idea).

The situation Harry wasn’t prepared for was when Draco wrote, “What if I came as your date? You know, show that you’ve moved on.”

Harry honestly thought Draco was joking, so he agreed to it. But now that Draco Malfoy is standing outside the Burrow in tight Muggle jeans and a sharp black crew neck, Harry understands it was not a joke. Draco looked…amazing.

“Close your mouth, Potter! Had to make sure I looked good for my _date_.” Draco smirked as Harry led him inside the Burrow.

Molly Weasley came bustling down the stairs and gasped when she spotted Draco. “Oh, Harry! I didn’t know you invited guests! That’s delightful! Come in come in!” She immediately tried to feed Draco, but remembered she was setting up for a party and decided to leave the boys alone.

“I definitely did not think you were serious about coming…” Harry said shyly.

“Of course Potter! I had to make sure that CHARLIE of yours knew what he was missing out on.” Harry saw Draco wink and immediately felt the tightness in his chest. Oh Merlin…not again.

“Well, everyone knows I’m gay except Mr. and Mrs. Weasley. I haven’t exactly found the right time to say anything. Also, since I thought you were joking, no one knows you’re here or _why_ you’re here. So, if you could just act…”

“Not gay? Don’t worry Potter, I know how to handle this.” And there was that wink again and tightness again.

As the party began, Harry felt everyone staring at him and Draco. He didn’t have enough time to tell Ron and Hermione about the “plan”, so he decided to just see where this all went.

Once Charlie arrived, everyone crowded around him. Hugs and cheek kisses were given as well as a lot of “how are the dragons treating ya?”. Charlie took it all in stride until he saw Harry. He looked at Harry and quickly his eyes caught Draco.

What in the hell was Draco Malfoy doing here? Charlie had been thinking about Harry a lot over the past few months and had a lot he wanted to say. He decided to clear the air now so he could enjoy the rest of his visit.

Harry saw Charlie walking towards him and felt his throat start to close. Charlie looked so good. His arms, that Harry loved and knew very well, had new scars from the dragons and his time outside made his tan return. Harry stared until Charlie was right in front of him.

“Harry, could we maybe talk in private?” Charlie was looking directly into Harry’s eyes which did not do well for Harry’s fake attempt to be in a new relationship.

As if on cue, Draco chimed in, “I don’t know if that’s really appropriate right now.”

Charlie looked at Draco with a fierce look in his eye. “And who on Earth do you think you are? Why are you at _my_ house?” Harry couldn’t help but notice the way Charlie stood _over_ Draco – asserting his dominance in the situation.

“I’m here with Harry.” As Draco said “Harry” he moved to put his arm around the dark-haired, nervous boy beside him. Draco was not intimidated and held his own. “We are together…. Or has he not mentioned it to you?”

Harry tensed and shrugged Draco off. “Yeah, Charlie, we can talk.” Harry shot back a look to Draco which Draco shirked off and went to get another drink.

Harry and Charlie walked away from the party and into the Burrow – as if on instinct, Harry went towards the stairs. Charlie grabbed his arm and led him into the living room. “I don’t think going up there is a good idea for us.”

Harry tried not to focus too much on the feeling of Charlie holding his arm. “Right…well, what did you want to talk about?” Harry tried to act nonchalant, but knew it wasn’t working.

“There’s a lot I want to say to you. I’ve been thinking about this quite a bit and I want to make sure I get it all out, so please don’t say anything until I’m finished, alright?” Harry nodded and Charlie continued, “Right, well, first I want to say I was very angry with you for outing me in front of everyone that night. We had already discussed that I wasn’t ready for all that and I thought you weren’t either. I also want to say that I was hurt that you had all of these feelings and never said anything to me about it. I thought we were on the same page, but instead you painted me out to be this heartless monster who didn’t care about you or your feelings. Which isn’t the case. I care about you very much, but I haven’t changed since that night in October. I don’t want to settle down. I can’t ever be someone’s ‘boyfriend’ much less _yours_.”

“What the bloody hell does that mean? Much less mine? Am I that terrible and unlovable that you could never see yourself with me?!” Harry felt his all of his insecurities from the past several months rising to the surface. He tried to push them down, but they continued to bubble up.

“Harry, let me finish. You’re…you. You’re part of my family. And so, even if it was something I wanted, I couldn’t be with you like you want me to. I’m sorry.”

Harry could feel the tears coming…again. “Right, well, is that all?”

“One last thing, you aren’t really with Malfoy, are you?”

Harry was surprised and annoyed by the question. “What’s it to you if I am?”

“He just…doesn’t seem right for you. He’s a death eater and you’re…you.”

“You have to stop saying that! I’m not a ‘you’. I’m a person, Charlie! I’m a person who deserves someone who wants them back. And if that’s Draco, then Draco it is.” Harry knew that wasn’t the best way to say that, but he was taken aback by this conversation with Charlie. He really didn’t want to be here.

“Well, you make your own choices in life Harry. I just hope you know what you’re doing.”

Harry decided to go upstairs quickly before the tears could hit. He refused to let Charlie see him like this.

Once Harry left, Charlie let out an exhale and ran his fingers through his hair. As soon as Harry was upstairs, Draco entered the living room.

Charlie immediately shot an aggressive look towards the blonde-haired boy. “It isn’t polite to eavesdrop Malfoy.”

“Oh, me? No, I was just looking for the loo when I overheard some raised voices and thought I would make sure everything was alright. Which, I can see now, it isn’t.”

“Malfoy this is absolutely none of your business! This is between me and Harry.”

“If it’s about Harry, then it is my business. I heard what you said to him. You make him out to be some hero, which he is, but even heroes have feelings. Even heroes need support and love and validation. And that part about him being part of your family and that’s why you can’t be with him, we both know that’s a lie. You can’t be with him because you don’t love him. I can tell just by how you interact with him. But you didn’t want to tell him that which makes me think you do at least care about him enough to not want to _directly_ hurt his feelings.”

“Malfoy, you are way out of line…” Charlie could feel his anger starting to boil up inside of him.

“No, I think I’m right on the line. Asking how you could be so blind as to not have seen that Harry was falling in love with you, would be out of line. And commenting that, of course you knew he was falling in love with you and yet, you did nothing to stop it. Instead, continued to use him because it’s what _you_ wanted. That would be way out of line.” Draco stood his ground as he watched Charlie reach for his wand.

“Malfoy, I’m warning you.”

“What Charlie? All too much for you? Feeling scared, embarrassed, vulnerable? Hmm I imagine that’s what Harry was feeling all those months he was with you.” And on that note, Draco decided he would go and find Harry.

Draco made his way upstairs only to realize he had no idea where Harry would be. Without knowing what else to do, he called out “Harry….?”.

He heard what sounded like a sniffle and figured that behind that door he would find him. Draco knocked on the door and heard a faint “come in”.

When Draco entered, he saw the mess of dark hair coming out of a blanket. “Harry, you okay?”

The dark hair moved and eventually Draco was able to see a face. A face with green eyes that looked swollen and red. But still…beautiful. Draco stopped himself immediately. No, Harry Potter’s eyes were NOT beautiful. And why did he call him Harry again…?

“Draco, you don’t have to be in here. You’re my fake boyfriend – you don’t owe me anything. You should just go.”

“I know what I am. I want to be here. I want to make sure you’re okay.”

“Well, I’m not. I’m not bloody okay. I feel like I’ve been dumped…again! And I was never even dumped to begin with! I feel….stupid and foolish and dumb and all of those words mean the same thing, but you get what I’m saying!” Harry threw the covers over his head again and sunk into the bed.

“Harry….you’re none of those things. You fell for someone – and they didn’t or couldn’t want you back. It happens. That doesn’t mean it doesn’t hurt, but you shouldn’t feel foolish about it. Frankly, I’m surprised it took you this long for it to happen, but I guess fighting in a war does that to a guy.”

Harry allowed himself to chuckle and Draco decided to go sit next to him on the bed and peeled back the covers from his face, revealing those eyes again.

“Draco, I feel…terrible. Have you ever had something like this happen?” Harry looked up at him and Draco couldn’t help but think how small Harry looked like this. The man who defeated Voldemort was currently hiding under his blankets, crying, because some large ginger man broke his heart. Draco couldn’t believe it.

Draco decided to answer honestly, he had already shared quite a bit with Harry via letters, he knew it was safe to say more. “Yeah, I fell for a friend who ended up being straight. Well, that part is debatable, but he definitely didn’t want me.”

“At Hogwarts? There were other gay guys at school?! How did I not know about this…?”

“Yes, at Hogwarts and because like I said, fighting a war Potter.”

“Can I ask who it was or what happened?”

Draco hesitated, but decided telling Harry was the right thing to do in the moment. “It was Blaise. He and I were very…close. Looking back on it now, I feel like he used me. It started off with just helping one another when we felt stressed, but it turned into more on my end. Blaise started to notice and would make comments. He made it seem as though we could have a relationship one day, but I soon realized it was so I would continue to…help him. This happened throughout sixth year when I was already going through a lot (as you can probably remember).” Harry looked down and felt awkward at the mention of the worst time in both of their lives.

“That’s terrible Draco….”

“Yeah, well, I learned a lot from it...if you know what I mean”. Draco winked and Harry felt heat rise up on his neck and pictures flooded into Harry’s head.

“And look Harry. Look at me. I’m fine now. I definitely moved on. I’ve dated other guys, slept with plenty of other guys – Blaise doesn’t occupy a piece of me anymore. You’ll feel that way too.” Harry forced himself to stop conjuring up images in his mind and re-focus on the conversation.

“You know, for someone that claims to be feelingsphobic, you sure do have a lot of them too.” Harry looked up and met Draco’s eyes. Those grey eyes. At that moment, Harry decided to go with the tightness in his chest that had begun earlier that day and moved forward to kiss Draco. Draco saw Harry moving toward him and had a 3 second internal conflict. On one hand, he was beginning to realize he was attracted to Harry. Okay, maybe beginning was naïve. He had always been attracted to Harry, but in this moment, he was realizing he would be able to act on it. On the other hand, Harry was currently in his bed with swollen eyes because he was heartbroken over another guy. This is not the time to start this.

It took every ounce of him, but Draco pulled back and stood up off the bed. “I think I should be getting home. It’s getting late and people will probably be wondering where the Big Bad Death Eater drug their Savior off to.”

“Oh, right….sure…okay. I’ll walk you out.”

“Don’t bother, I got it. Take care of yourself, Potter.” And with that, Draco was gone.

Harry laid in his bed and looked around the room. He made eye contact with the posters and rolled his eyes. Harry laid in his bed a while longer, not wanting to go back to his party but knowing people would begin to wonder where he was. He put on the bravest face he could muster and went back downstairs. Molly was right, it’s not every day a man turns 19…

**Chapter Ten**

It had been one very long week after Harry’s party. One week since Charlie and Draco had argued. One week since Charlie officially ended things with Harry and one week since Harry (stupidly) tried to kiss Draco Malfoy.

Harry Potter tried (and failed) to kiss Draco Malfoy.

No matter how many times Harry said that sentence to himself, he still couldn’t believe it. He didn’t understand how he could be so stupid. Of course trying to share a kiss after you were just crying over another guy was NOT a good idea. Stupid Harry!

Harry was quickly starting to see that keeping all of these thoughts and feelings to himself was not going to be helpful. So, he decided to talk with Ron and Hermione.

He told them how he and Draco had started writing, and the plan at the party, and the…almost kiss. Ron didn’t love hearing about the details, but Harry could tell he was trying. Hermione approached everything as she normally did – with a dose of empathy and a lot of logic.

Hermione decided the best course of action would be to write to Draco. Explain to him that he understood that it wasn’t the best thing to do, but to be honest with his emotions. Explain that he understood the timing wasn’t ideal, but that he did mean it. He needed to spend some time with Draco and see where things went from there.

“Harry, just because you’re now comfortable with your sexuality, doesn’t mean you have to jump at every gay guy you meet mate!” Ron was a little _less_ helpful, but Harry understood what he meant. He needed to spend time with Draco and get to know him. As a person, not as just another gay man he now knew.

But that’s the thing, Harry did know Draco. Maybe he didn’t know all of Draco, but he had known him for years. Granted, a majority of that time Draco was acting like a prat, but still.

No, Ron was right. He needed to learn _this_ Draco.

So, that’s what he decided to do. Before going to bed after speaking with Ron and Hermione, he wrote to Draco and explained everything just as Hermione had said to. He even asked if they could meet again.

Luckily, he didn’t have to wait long. Draco’s reply came the next morning and it carried with it an offer to meet in Diagon Alley the next weekend. Draco needed to pick up some equipment for his training and they could have lunch.

Harry quickly accepted and decided he was not going to allow himself to stress over the date…. _meeting_.

**Chapter Eleven**

Harry was beginning to notice that he was possibly coming out of his _post-Charlie funk_. The first positive sign he noticed was when he actually WANTED to look for a job, not just “talk with Kingsley about a possible job.” It wasn’t the same feeling as before when he wanted a job because everyone else was doing something – this time, he felt he needed purpose. He was ready.

He took a meeting with Kingsley the Friday before he was scheduled to meet Draco in Diagon. The meeting was extremely hopeful. Kingsley was delighted that Harry _finally_ came to meet with him and was ready to talk seriously. Kingsley explained that he was trying to set-up a new program at the Ministry for muggle-borns attempting to acclimate to Wizard lifestyle. He said that he always felt the Ministry had done a poor job of integrating muggle-borns into Wizarding society and with all of the prejudice they had just encountered (Harry felt this was a very innocent way to say _killings_ ), he felt it was a much needed program. He also felt that Harry would be just the person to head it up.

Harry thought that Kingsley would approach him about being an auror again. But this, this surprisingly felt right. He would get to help people without doing anymore fighting. And he would get to help those who were like himself or Hermione – unaware of Wizard culture.

Harry accepted the offer and Kingsley informed him that he would be starting in two weeks (after they filled some of the other positions available in the program).

Harry left the Ministry feeling…different. For the first time post- war, he felt excited. Hopeful. He had allowed himself to not think about Charlie or Draco and instead focus on himself. Doing something for himself.

The next day Harry found himself 20 minutes early for his meet-up with Draco. He decided to wander about Broomstix for a while and found himself soon caught up with the new broomstick on display. After a while in the shop, Harry glanced out the window and noticed a glimpse of striking blonde hair. A flutter went through Harry’s stomach. Draco was here.

Harry left the shop and ran to meet-up with the blonde man. Harry tried to not let himself get too excited when he saw the smile on Draco’s face upon seeing him. He also tried to not get too excited when Draco said, “Looking good today Potter. A break-up looks good on you.”

Harry accompanied Draco into a little shop towards the end of Diagon Alley that Harry never even knew existed. He watched as Draco carefully picked up vials of potions and various other items Harry didn’t recognize. As he watched Draco glide around the store and eventually check-out with the short witch behind the counter, Harry realized for the first time that Draco was….gentle. Not delicate. Definitely not delicate. Harry had encountered the man enough times to know that Draco could be spiteful and harsh when he wanted to. But this Draco. This Draco was smiling and charming. He handled bottles like they were precious creatures, he analyzed books like they were going to break, and he walked so slowly around the shop that Harry wondered if he even knew what he was there for. When Draco collected what he needed and went to the counter, Harry swore he could see the witch behind the counter blush from something Draco said to her. He could also swear he saw the witch watch Draco has he walked away from the counter.

After the shop, the two made their way towards the Leaky Cauldron. Harry pretended not to notice the stares and whispers happening around them and instead chose to focus on the man next to him. They quickly found a booth towards the back (per Harry’s request – he was still the topic of the Daily Prophet more times than he cared to discuss).

As they ordered, they quickly fell into a conversation about Quidditch. Harry forgot how good Draco was at the sport and how much they both loved it. The conversation flowed easily from who was the best Quidditch player, to the best team, to the most important position on the team (which they both agreed was seeker!). This also led them to reminiscing about past games at Hogwarts. They ordered butterbeers and Harry went into detail about how he lost all of the bones in his arm in THAT game second year. Draco talked about his worst Quidditch injuries and how he spent more time with Pomfrey than he cared to admit (he also admitted they weren’t all as bad as he made them out to be).

Hoping they wouldn’t be talking about Harry’s embarrassing attempt at a kiss a few weeks ago, Harry took this as an opportunity to ask what he had been wanting to ask, “Draco, what made you go into healing?”

Draco was taken aback by the sudden change in conversation, but decided to entertain the question, “Well, Potter, it’s the best way to meet guys.” Harry’s eyes widened. That’s not what he was expecting at all.

“Yeah, see, they come in all hurt and wounded. I fix them up and they fall madly in love with their savior.” Draco pretended to faint onto the booth and Harry quickly realized he was joking.

“No, I’m serious Draco. I never pegged you for….”

“What? Caring? Yeah, well, you never really bothered to know me Potter. Granted, it’s not entirely your fault, but I was rather good in potions and I enjoyed it quite a bit. And after the trial I decided I wanted to do something important with my life. I needed to make up for all the harm I had caused over the years. Both mentally and physically.”

Harry didn’t know what to say. He wasn’t expecting such a genuine answer. But after what he had seen in the shop, it made sense. Draco was right. He didn’t know him at all. But one thing was for certain, he wanted to know this Draco.

Harry decided to change the subject and tell Draco about his meeting with Kingsley. “I haven’t told anyone else about it, but…what do you think?” Harry was worried about the mention of muggle-borns and an acknowledgement of the war, but he forced himself to remember that this was a different Draco.

“I think it’s brilliant. It sounds like something you would do Potter. I think you’d be really good at it.” Draco gave Harry a sincere look. Harry waited for a joke or sarcastic comment, but it didn’t come. Just a smile and a look.

“Thanks….” Harry smiled back at Draco and quickly looked towards the table to dodge Draco’s stare.

The two finished up their meal, paid, and started to head towards the door. Harry turned to look at Draco only to find Draco already looking at him.

“This was….nice. Could we meet-up again sometime?” Harry asked in what he thought was a cool manner, but actually came out a bit nervous. 

“I don’t see why not” Draco smirked. There went Harry’s chest.

**Chapter Twelve**

Draco and Harry met-up for the next two weekends up until Harry’s first day at the Ministry. Harry knew he would start to get busy with work and so he and Draco decided to owl each other and schedule a day for Harry to come to the Manor in the next few weeks once he got settled.

One week in and Harry was loving his new job. The program was new so a lot of it involved setting up systems and ironing out roles, but once all of the logistics were taken care of, Harry got to help actual people. Harry also liked this role because it meant dealing with muggle-borns, many of which had families who had never heard of him before. The anonymity was refreshing.

After several weeks, Harry and Draco decided on a day for Harry to come to the Manor. Honestly, Harry was terrified, but figured if he wanted to get to know Draco then this was a part of Draco as well. Not to mention, Harry was missing Draco quite a bit. At this point, he didn’t care where they met – so long as he could see him.

Harry arrived and looked up at the large house. He knew he had been here before, but he didn’t want to think about that. He decided to try and act as though this was his first time at the house.

This was surprisingly easy to do because as soon as he entered the house, he realized none of it looked familiar. When he made this comment to Draco, Draco explained how after his father was taken away, his mother decided to do a complete remodel “to purge all the dark magic out of this once beautiful estate.”

Draco gave Harry the grand tour which concluded in the Malfoy library. The room was impressive. Wall-to-wall books. Hermione would love this room.

As he looked around, he heard Draco say, “well, what do you think?” Harry could swear he heard some nerves in Draco’s tone.

Harry had no words. The house was exquisite and _very_ Malfoy. “It’s beautiful” was all he managed to get out before a house elf appeared and told them it was time for lunch.

Harry and Draco made their way to the dining room where upon entering Harry immediately stopped dead in his tracks. Narcissa Malfoy sat at a small dining room table, sipping a cup of tea, and apparently waiting for them to join.

When she looked up and saw Harry, she rose elegantly out of her chair and greeted them, “Mr. Potter, so pleased you could join us at the Manor.”

“Oh, um, thanks Mrs. Malfoy” Harry couldn’t hide the surprise in his voice.

“Narcissa, please. Sit down.”

Harry gave Draco a glance and was met with a stare that said, “didn’t want you to chicken out.” Along with another one of those chest-tightening smirks. 

Harry sat and began to be served by a different house elf than he had seen before. He began to wonder just how many house elves the Malfoys had. As he was about to start-in on his meal, anything to get this over with, Narcissa looked at him and asked “So, Mr. Potter, I believe my son is quite taken with you.”

Harry choked on his own breath as he heard Draco exclaim, “Mum!”.

“Oh, sorry dear, I didn’t realize we were being coy.”

“It’s alright Mrs….Narcissa. I just thought Draco was this charming with all witches and wizards.” It was Harry’s turn to shoot Draco a smirk and he even threw in a wink for good measure.

“Oh, he is. That’s how he was raised. Proper and charming.” She shot her son a smile and was met with cold eyes on the other side of the table.

Desperate to change the conversation, Narcissa began asking Harry about his new job at the Ministry. Apparently, Draco had been talking about him quite a bit…interesting.

Lunch went by rather quickly. Conversation flowed smoothly, thankfully. But Harry was all too happy to leave the table.

“Thank you Narcissa for having me. You have a lovely home.”

“Any time Mr. Potter. I expect I’ll be seeing more of you.” She gave Harry a quick hug and left the room.

Harry followed Draco out of the room and headed towards the door. Before he left, Harry couldn’t resist. “So, you’ve been talking to your mum about me I see.”

“Yeah, well, you know…she asks about all my former classmates who also happen to be saviors of the wizarding world.”

“I see, well, I should be getting home.”

“Right…I’ll see you soon?” Harry registered that the nerves had come back to Draco’s voice.

“I don’t see why not.” Harry’s eyes met Draco’s and they both smiled before quickly looking away.

Draco watched Harry walk down the path towards the street and disapparate. Once he was gone, Draco let out a breath that he hadn’t realized he had been holding in. He slowly turned to go back inside; he needed to have a word with his mother.

**Chapter Thirteen**

Even though Harry’s job was more demanding than he initially anticipated, he loved every minute of it. Draco’s training was starting to pick-up more as well, but somehow, they still managed to meet-up every week. They developed a sort of routine after a while.

On Saturdays, Harry would apparate to the Manor. Sometimes they would have lunch with Narcissa, sometimes it was just the two of them. Harry was growing fond of the Malfoy matron, but relished the times it was just Draco and him.

The two never stopped talking it felt like. They could talk about everything. They talked about work, family life, potions, politics…everything. Harry was worried that with their different upbringings and everything that had happened during the war that the two wouldn’t see eye-to-eye on many things, but it turned out Draco had more sophisticated thoughts on a lot of things than Harry did.

Harry always knew Draco was intelligent. He came just behind Hermione in their class, but he didn’t know he was this…sexy. No, brilliant. He meant brilliant. But maybe his intelligence was…sexy.

The more he was around Draco the more he realized he really _really_ liked this Draco. He also began to realize that this was a very different feeling than what he had with Charlie. He and Charlie were, for lack of a better word, physical. They had begun physical and remained physical. Harry’s feeling towards the man evolved because of their closeness and the intimacy they shared. Draco, on the other hand, hadn’t even tried to kiss Harry. And yet, Harry could feel himself falling.

Don’t get him wrong, he was extremely attracted to Draco. He found himself staring at Draco much in the same way he used to stare at Charlie. And that’s how Harry noticed their differences. Charlie was…large. He was a Weasley which meant he was stocky and built. He also tamed dragons which meant there was a fierceness in his eyes at all times and a confidence that would take over when they were together.

But Draco. Draco was softer. He was less built and more lean. But, while Harry hadn’t seen Draco in anything other than his school uniform or the clothes he wore around his own house, Harry knew Draco was muscular underneath it all. When Harry thought of Draco (which was frequently), one word always popped into his head – handsome. Draco didn’t look at Harry as if he was something to be tamed or conquered, he looked at him like he…wanted him. Like he longed for him. And Harry loved it.

Draco was also smart, kind, and surprisingly funny. He liked to read books and tell Harry about them in great detail. Then, when Harry looked bored, Draco would quickly jump up and say something like, “I will have order Potter!” in his best Umbridge impression. It didn’t sound anything like the woman, but Harry laughed just the same.

On one of their Saturdays, Harry decided to ask the question that had been bubbling inside of him. “Draco, when did you tell your mum you were gay?”

Draco slowly looked up from the book he had been reading and looked around the room as if he was trying to figure out what he wanted to say. “It was just after the war. I had known for some time, but like you, was in the middle of fighting a war. And having a conversation about your sexuality while a dark wizard is living in your house isn’t exactly the coming out many boys dream of.” Draco gave a half smile and looked at Harry before continuing. “After the war, and after the trial, things were different between mother and I. With my father gone, she was better…more open. She wanted to be around me all the time – I think it’s because she had almost lost me and was feeling a lot of guilt about what had happened over the past few years.”

“She seems open about it now…I mean, just based on some of the comments she’s made.” Harry remarked and wanted Draco to keep talking.

“Yeah, she is. Honestly, she was fine with it the minute I told her. After the war, she really wanted to abandon all of the pure-blood nonsense we had been spouting and re-focus on just _us,_ as a family. That meant she no longer cared about our ‘status’ as a family, so long as we had each other and were happy. She still wants grandchildren but understands that that is a possibility.” The smile Draco had been wearing quickly faded as he continued, “I haven’t told father though. I actually don’t think I ever will. He doesn’t deserve to know about my life.”

Harry could hear the tone in Draco’s voice change at the mention of his father. He wasn’t sure if the man was finished or not, so he decided to remain silent just in case.

After minutes passed in silent, Draco let out a long breath and looked directly at Harry. “Anyway! Enough about me! Mother always taught me it isn’t polite to talk about yourself with guests. Even if they are Harry ‘The Savior’ Potter.” Harry rolled his eyes at the mention of the nickname he hated.

Draco soon turned the conversation to a much safer topic – healing. This was actually Harry’s favorite topic to hear Draco talk about. Harry wasn’t particularly interested in healing, he felt he spent enough of his time in the hospital wing and didn’t need to be reminded of it all, but there was something about the way _Draco_ talked about it. Draco talked about healing the way Hermione talked about books, but unlike with Hermione, Harry found himself listening. Also unlike with Hermione, he found himself looking at the way Draco’s face and mouth moved as he spoke.

Draco spoke with so much passion that he would actually end up sweating a little bit and it would gather at the top of his hair line. He would move his arms and body around to explain certain spells and potions to Harry and Harry listened intently. Harry was enjoying his conversation so much that he soon found himself yawning and wanting to lie down.

When Harry checked the time he nearly jumped. “Blimey! It’s already half past twelve. I should probably get going.” Harry drug himself up out of the armchair he had grown to love in the library.

“Oh….yeah, you’re right. It is getting late. Here, I’ll walk you out.”

“Draco. I’ve been here several times by now. You don’t have to show me the door every time.”

The two started to make their way towards the front door of Malfoy Manor. As Draco opened the door, Harry stepped out onto the stoop. He turned around to say a final goodbye, when suddenly Draco’s lips were on his. The kiss was quick. Too quick for Harry.

“I walk you to the door each time so I can do that. The problem is, I lose the nerve.”

Harry smiled and looked into the grey eyes in front of him. Harry moved forward and kissed Draco again. This time with more passion. He slid his hand onto Draco’s neck and ran his fingers through his hair. Draco moaned in happiness and surprise. He quickly found Harry’s hip and pulled Harry in tighter. Harry grabbed on to Draco’s arm and could feel the muscles that lived underneath the shirt. It sent a shiver down Harry’s back. The two stayed like that until they were startled by a, “goodnight Mr. Potter” and a sight of Narcissa Malfoy passing behind Draco and up the staircase.

Harry and Draco both pulled away and blushed. Neither wanting to look at the other. “Well, goodnight”. “Goodnight, Harry”.

The following week Harry didn’t hear from Draco. This wasn’t unusual – he figured Draco had gotten consumed by his work, just as Harry had. Nevertheless, Harry arrived at Malfoy Manor the next Saturday at their usual time.

The moment Draco opened the door, Harry knew something had changed. Draco’s expression was solemn and serious. A stark contrast to the face that had kissed him on this very stoop one week prior. “Hi Harry, come in”.

Harry walked through the doorway and followed Draco towards the back of the house to the library, which after many Saturdays quickly became, “their spot”. “Have a seat, can I get you anything?”

As Harry sat in his normal spot near the fire, he could no longer stay silent. “Draco, what the hell is going on? Why are you acting so…formal?”

Draco paused and decided to sit opposite Harry. He looked down and placed his hands in his lap. “We need to talk.”

Harry saw red. Memories started to flood into his brain of Charlie. “Why is it every time a man kisses me, he feels the needs to have a _talk_ with me after? What is it about ME that men seem to…pity? Like, I’m some precious creature that can’t handle a KISS without a long discussion after?!” Harry knew he needed to calm down, but he couldn’t help it – the insecurity was rising. He thought he had been doing well with Draco. He thought things had been great! What was happening…?

“Harry…that’s not what I meant. I mean, yes, we do need to have a discussion. But I certainly don’t pity you! I just worry. I’ve spent the past week thinking about this a lot and part of me doesn’t think you’re ready for this…whatever it might be.”

“Why can’t I decide what I am and am not ready for?”

“…like you did with Charlie…?”

Harry shot Draco a serious look. “This is nothing like it was with Charlie.”

“Harry. Do you not remember how this all started? You, drunk in a pub, outing yourself and confessing your love for the ginger in front of half of his family? Do you not remember drunkenly telling me _everything_ about the two of you and how perfect he was?” Harry stayed silent. In complete disbelief that _this_ is where his perfect Saturday was heading.

“And Harry, do you not remember how our ‘relationship’ came to be? I was a fake boyfriend for you. I was helping you make Charlie jealous. I just think, we need more time.” Draco’s voice wasn’t harsh. It wasn’t angry; it was…gentle.

Harry could not find it within himself to match Draco’s tone. “More time Draco?! All I’ve given this is time! It took us months to even kiss! I don’t know what else you want from me.”

“I want you to be sure that you’re completely over Charlie before we start anything…serious. I’m not interested in being someone’s second choice.”

Harry went silent again. He knew he owed it to Draco to give him his whole self. He also knew, as much as we wanted to deny it, that he probably wasn’t ready to commit to Draco. Part of the tightness in his chest still belonged to Charlie.

“I-I don’t know what to say….”

“That’s fine. You don’t have to say anything. Let’s just have our normal day. We can keep taking this slow. Lunch?”

“I think I should go.”

“Wait, Harry, no you don’t have to go.” But Harry had already walked out towards the door and disapparated back to the Burrow.

Draco felt defeated. This isn’t the way he wanted this conversation to go. He just wanted Harry to be _sure._ Draco was sure. He knew how he felt about Harry and he knew better than to allow himself to feel those things if Harry wasn’t ready to return the feelings.

But Draco wasn’t ready to let Harry go.

**Chapter Fourteen**

On the next Saturday, Harry did not arrive at Malfoy Manor. Draco assumed he just needed more time. But when he still did not arrive the Saturday after – Draco sent an owl. The letter was simple, direct. He just wanted to check on Harry and make sure he knew they could still hang out and be friends. When he didn’t get a response, he kept writing.

Harry read every letter Draco sent him, then through it in the fire. After leaving Draco that day, Harry had felt horrible. He allowed thoughts of self-doubt to creep into his brain. Logical, rational Harry would try to come out and say “Harry, he was just looking out for you. He didn’t say he didn’t want you – he said you needed time. And he’s right, you probably do. You were really hung-up on Charlie; you need more time to be sure of things before you start something with Draco.”

But logical, rational Harry was always overshadowed by emotional Harry saying, “You’re not worth someone’s love. No one wants to be with you. Draco just wants to be friends. He doesn’t see you as anything more, just like Charlie. You fall in love too easily and this is your punishment. You’re doomed to hurt forever.” Harry knew he was being dramatic again, but still he couldn’t pull himself to move past it. He had felt more for the two men in his life than he ever did for any of the girls he had ever dated or thought he _wanted_ to date.

His routine consisted of waking up, eating breakfast, going to work, coming home, waiting for dinner, then going to bed. He hardly interacted with anyone and when people asked him if he was okay, he would simply say, “Yeah, just tired from work”. This usually shut down conversation, for everyone except Hermione of course. She saw right through Harry.

“Haven’t heard about Draco for a while…everything okay?”

“It’s fine Hermione.” She had found him in his room and had pretended that she didn’t hear him say “go away”.

“Did something happen with you two?”

“Just leave it Hermione! Obviously, we aren’t talking to each other, so obviously, yes something happened!” Harry’s frustration was rising – he really needed to work on controlling this anger.

“Harry…I’m here. Talk to me.”

Harry forced himself to try to be calm and ended up coming out sounding more hurt than angry. “What do you want me to say? Do you want me to tell you how I think I was falling for him and now I can’t bring myself to write him back much less go near him? Want me to tell you how I messed everything up because I have no confidence and I don’t feel like I’ll ever actually be loved?”

Hermione wore a serious look on her face. “….Harry. That’s not true. I’ve seen you two together. I’ve seen him write to you over and over again – even though I’ve never seen you respond (but I guess I now know why). I’m sure whatever happened, it can be fixed.”

“Hermione. Please, just leave me alone.” Hermione backed out of the room as quietly as she had entered. She wanted to help Harry, but also knew he needed time to himself.

Draco’s letters became fewer and fewer, but they never stopped. Harry considered writing back on several occasions but could never bring himself to do it. He found himself thinking about the blonde-haired man constantly. He would replay lazy Saturdays between the two of them in his head when he was feeling particularly upset. Sometimes these thoughts helped, other times they made the feelings worse.

Harry tried to use work to keep his brain occupied, but Christmas came quicker than Harry had anticipated. Harry had grown to truly love Christmas these past 9 years. It was the holiday that made him truly feel part of the Weasley family – every year he opened up that sweater with the big H on it, he felt at home.

This Christmas would be…different. He had heard Charlie would be coming home as part of his promise to Molly that he would not miss any more major family events. Charlie would be there on the 23rd of December…Happy Christmas to Harry.

When Charlie walked through the door the whole Weasley family crowded around him, like they usually did. Harry stood off to the side. He wasn’t interested in talking with Charlie. He wasn’t interested in partaking in the “family joy” at the moment. Even though it had been over a month since he had last seen Draco, he found his mind wandering to him several times throughout the day. He had even purchased him a Christmas present in a moment of emotional turmoil when he was in Diagon Alley last week.

The evening of Charlie’s arrival was filled with Molly hastily putting up decorations and preparing the Christmas meal, which still wasn’t due for another two days. Charlie and Harry kept their distance, and no one commented on the two.

The next day was much the same. All of the Weasley children (plus Harry, minus Percy) met outside for their usual pick-up Quidditch game. Harry kept feeling as though someone was watching him, and whenever he would turn to look at Charlie – Charlie would look away. Harry thought this was odd behavior. It had always been the other way around…

After showers and a change of clothes all around, the family gathered for their Christmas Eve dinner together. Molly had prepared a nice meal but had always insisted on saving her best for Christmas night. After dinner, members of the family dispersed to different areas of the house. George took Ron and Ginny outside to have them test some new products for the shop. Molly and Arthur were snuggled up by the fireplace listening to music. Hermione and Percy had found themselves in a corner discussing their latest book reads and swapping recommendations. Bill and Fleur had left early but promised to be back early for Christmas morning.

Harry was just about to find himself a space in the living room with his cup of tea when Charlie came around him. “Where’s the boyfriend?”

Taken aback by the question, Harry stared at Charlie. “What? Did I say something wrong?”

Realizing that Charlie meant Draco and that he never knew that they were merely pretending at Harry’s birthday, Harry simply looked at the ground. “We…aren’t together.”

“Oh, that was … short. I’m sorry.”

“Yeah, well….” Harry wanted to get out of his conversation as quickly as possible and attempted to move around Charlie.

Charlie stood firm and kept his eyes locked on Harry. “You know, I kind of thought you were going to be together for a while. I figured you two would be…forever, as cheesy as that sounds.”

Harry was surprised at the thought. “Why would you think that? I thought you hated him.”

“Just after the way he spoke about you at your birthday.” Harry stood confused. “He never told you how he went off on me and I nearly hexed him into next century?” Harry, still confused, shook his head and Charlie laughed.

“Well, guess he’s more modest than I thought. Yeah, he went off about how I hadn’t treated you right and basically called me selfish. He said you deserved someone better. Someone who loved you. In the moment, I was furious at the allegations. I truly thought I was going to pull my wand on him. But after thinking about it later, I realized he was right. I really didn’t treat you right Harry. I knew you were developing feelings and I didn’t stop you. I think part of me just really enjoyed the affection and even though I wasn’t developing the same feelings, it was still nice to…experience whatever it was we had.”

Harry didn’t know what to say. Part of him was relieved to finally hear Charlie admit to all the things Harry had been thinking. He knew that Charlie knew about his feelings and he knew that Charlie didn’t stop them. Part of him had been so mad about it for so long. But after everything that Charlie had just said, only one piece continued to stick out to him, “He said you deserved someone better. Someone who loved you”. Draco had said that…even when he was only pretending to be Harry’s boyfriend. That didn’t sound like something a fake boyfriend would say. And hadn’t he said something similar on the day in the Malfoy library? Maybe Harry really did mess this whole thing up.

He hadn’t realized how in his own head he had been until he heard Charlie say, “Harry…you still with me?”

“Huh? Oh yeah, sorry…just processing is all” Harry took a deep breath before continuing, “And Charlie, I really should apologize too. I should never have outed us like that that night at the pub. It was a terrible thing to do and not a great way to show my feelings. I’m sorry.”

“Right, well, I think we both have enough to apologize for, so let’s just put this behind us, eh?” Charlie gave a small smile that Harry returned. Before Harry could walk away, Charlie continued “Look. I don’t know what happened with you and Draco, but I do know that while I may have been your first love, I certainly won’t be your last. You’ll find someone to love who will love you back. I hope you can forgive me…for everything”.

“I think I already have Charlie. I know this wasn’t all on you. I did a lot of this to myself. I rushed myself and lied to myself. Draco’s right though…I do deserve someone like that.” Harry paused and a sudden thought hit him. “And I think I’ve already found him. Excuse me, Charlie.”

Without warning or saying goodbye to anyone, Harry quickly ran out of the Burrow and apparated to Malfoy Manor. He was so anxious that he knocked on the door rather furiously, bouncing on the balls of his feet until he saw the door open.

The man who opened the door was gorgeous. Platinum blonde hair slicked back with a few stray pieces falling straight into his face. A fitted black suit with a black button-up beneath. He looked so handsome that Harry almost forgot what he came over for.

“Harry…what are you doing here?”

“I needed to see you, to talk with you.” Harry rushed the words out of his mouth as fast as he could.

“Okay…do you want to come it?”

“Yeah! That’d be brilliant!” Harry walked behind Draco as he led them to “their spot”. Harry sat down opposite Draco in the near exact position they had been in weeks ago when they were engaging in a very different conversation.

“Draco, I wanted to say I’m sorry for the way I handled things the last time I was here. I’m also sorry that I never wrote you back. I read every single letter you sent me. Most of them I read multiple times. I ran because I was scared. I knew you were right; I wasn’t ready. But all I kept thinking to myself was that you didn’t want me and didn’t want to be with me. I hadn’t allowed myself time to actually process all you had said.”

Draco stared at Harry and let him continue. “Charlie told me what you said to him at my birthday party. That you felt I deserved someone who loved me and I think…I think that person is you. I hope that person is you.”

Draco sat silent. Harry stared into the grey eyes he had come to love and with every moment that passed he could feel his heart race faster and faster. Maybe he was wrong. Maybe Draco didn’t love him the way he thought he did. Maybe he made all of this up in his own head.

As if he could read his mind, Draco opened his mouth to speak. “Harry, I do love you. I’ve loved you for a while now. But like I said, I won’t be a second choice. I respect myself too much to allow myself to be with someone who only loves me because the person he truly wants doesn’t love him.”

Harry had expected this. Draco had said something similar a few weeks ago, so Harry was prepared. “Draco, you were never my second choice. You were a choice I didn’t even know I had. I have never felt for anyone the way I feel about you, and yes that includes Charlie. You understand me. We go well together! We can talk about everything and nothing and are just as happy as can be. You wanted to get to know _me_ , not The Chose One or the Savior. You didn’t push me. You waited for me to be ready.”

“Harry, are you sure you know what you’re saying?”

“Completely sure. Draco, I want you. Only you. First pick.”

Draco couldn’t stop the smile from creeping onto his face. He quickly moved out of his seat and Harry saw his eyes turn from unsure to the look of _want_ Harry had seen before. Draco moved toward Harry and kissed him. The two rose to where they were both standing in the middle of the library and this time, Draco took control. He placed his hand behind Harry’s head and let the other rest on his hip and moved him closer until their bodies were pressed hard against one another. Harry ran his hands over Draco’s chest and felt a familiar shiver take over his body. Draco’s hand starting to go lower and as the kiss became more and more heated, Harry finally pulled away.

“As much as I would _love_ to continue this, I think I should head back to the Burrow. I kind of left in the middle of a conversation and didn’t tell anyone I was leaving…”

“Potter, we really must work on those manners.” Draco smirked and Harry felt his whole chest tighten. This time, he knew it was all for Draco.

As Draco began to walk Harry towards the door, Harry quickly spun around. “Wait! I almost forgot, I got you something!”

“You got me a present?” Draco couldn’t help the look of shock on his face.

“Yeah! But it’s back at the Burrow. Would you maybe…want to come by tomorrow?” Harry knew this was a long shot.

“Me? Come to the Burrow? On Christmas day?”

“Yeah…well…unless you don’t want to. I mean, I would understand…”

Draco hesitated then finally said, “Yes. I’ll be there.”

**Chapter Fifteen**

Harry arrived back at the Burrow and was met by a furious Molly Weasley. “You may be Harry Potter, but you are still my child and my responsibility! You can not go apparating off into the night without telling anyone!”

Harry felt a warmth spread through him as he heard Molly say “my child”. Harry disregarded her anger and moved in to hug her. Molly was taken aback by the sudden change in mood, but quickly returned the hug.

“I’m sorry. There was just something I needed to do. Someone I needed to see…”

Molly stood back to get a full look at Harry. “Harry, dear. You never need to keep anything from us. We are your family. The only thing we want for you is happiness.”

Harry could feel tears starting to form in his eyes and decided to see how much Molly really meant what she was saying. “Thank you…then, is it okay if Draco Malfoy comes over for Christmas tomorrow? I got him a present and I’d like him to open it on Christmas Day.”

Molly gave a knowing smile. “Of course, dear. Draco will always be welcome in this house – regardless of what _Charlie_ may have to say.”

Harry didn’t know how to process that. “Wait. You know…? About, Charlie and me?”

Molly’s smile stood firm. “Of course, dear. I knew the moment Charlie left and you had breakfast with me in the kitchen that one morning. I could tell on your face that you were hurting.”

“So….so you’re okay with me? Being gay?” Harry didn’t know how much of this conversation Molly would be comfortable with, so he decided to keep going, but proceeded with caution.

“Dear. I don’t care anything about that. Like I said, I care about your safety and your happiness. You deserve love, Harry. After all you’ve been through, you deserve all of the love in the world and I don’t care who it’s with, so long as they give it to you.”

Harry stood in disbelief. “So, then what about Charlie? He said you kept pushing him to find a wife.”

“I said no such thing. I kept pushing him to find his own person…his own happiness. And, selfishly, I hoped he would find it when he was here – at home. But I know now, though I wish I would have learned it sooner, that Charlie is happy. He doesn’t desire the same things in life as his father and I did.”

Molly stopped and placed a hand to Harry’s face. “Now, don’t you worry about Charlie, his father and I will have a conversation with him soon. And don’t worry about Arthur either, dear. He feels as I do.”

Harry decided to spend time that night talking with some of the Weasley children. He didn’t want them to be surprised when Draco arrived the next day and he wanted to make it clear that this is what he wanted. If they cared for him, they’d be on their best behavior. At first, they had all been taken aback by Harry’s sudden burst of confidence and emotion. They had grown strangely used to seeing Harry sulk around the house. But they all quickly realized this Harry was a much better Harry and agreed. George even remarked, “Well, if he’s good enough for our Harry, then he’s good enough for us! Plus, that means we won’t have to watch you mope around the house anymore. It was getting to be quite depressing.”

Harry went to sleep that night more content than he had ever been. As he drifted off, he saw flashes of blonde hair and grey eyes.

Draco arrived at noon on Christmas Day shortly after the family had finished their Christmas lunch, which as Molly said was “simply the pre-meal” and were all settling into their post-Christmas lunch spots. Harry went to the door to let him in and brought him into the living room. Draco felt a lot of Weasley eyes on him and immediately regretted his decision to come.

“Wait right here! I’m going upstairs to get your gift!”

Draco really wished Harry hadn’t left him alone. But he put his best Malfoy confidence on and walked further into the living room. “Happy Christmas Weasley family”.

Draco heard a murmur of “Happy Christmas” and “Happy Christmas Malfoy”. No one looked surprised to see him, so Draco figured Harry must have told them all he was coming.

While he waited, Draco decided to sit next to Hermione – a safe bet. Just as he sat, George moved away from his spot near the fire and looked directly at Draco. “So, Malfoy, I hear you’re quite smitten with our young Potter. You know, he was once with a Weasley man…that’s a lot to live up to.” George threw a wink at Charlie who seemed to be sitting awkwardly in an armchair on the other side of the room.

“Surprisingly, I think I’ll manage. Besides, from what I heard, Weasley men are severely lacking in a department in which we Malfoys seem to excel.”

Draco thought he had stepped too far when the room turned silent except for Ron who turned red and said, “Oi! Please don’t talk about that when you’re dating my best mate! I don’t need to know what he knows about Weasley…parts OR Malfoy…parts, thank you!” On that the whole room erupted into laughter just as Harry descended the last stair and entered the living room.

“What’s so funny? What did I miss?” The room continued to laugh even harder and Draco stood up and walked towards Harry. “Nothing, Harry, now I believe there was a mention of a gift?” Harry led the two of them out of the living room and away from prying Weasley eyes.

“Right! Here! I really hope you like it…” Harry extended the gift out to Draco who took it and carefully unwrapped the paper. Harry would never get used to seeing Draco be so gentle.

“It’s a book. A rather beautiful looking book….” Draco said confused.

“Yes, yes, but look at the back!”

Draco read the content of the back of the book carefully,

_The Quidditch Elixir is an in-depth look into the potions and healers behind making some of the best Quidditch teams perform at their maximum capacity. Dive into the techniques from the healers who helped the Irish team win the World Cup in 1994. Wrap your cauldron around the mixture that was placed on the broomstick of the famous Galvin Gudgeon when he caught his first snitch with the Chudley Cannons (sadly, this potion doesn’t fix the team, only the broom handle). And no one will ever forget the fall that Victor Krum took in attempting to catch the snitch in his first game for Bulgaria! Learn the spells Quidditch healers used to put him back together in time for his next match. The book will teach you all of the best potions and techniques that Quidditch potion masters and healers have been practicing for centuries!_

“Harry…that’s brilliant. I didn’t even know this was a thing! I never thought about how potions and Quidditch would come together, much less that there could be a book about it. Thank you.” Draco was completely impressed by the perfection of the gift that he didn’t even think twice before pulling Harry into a kiss in front of a majority of the Weasley family who had somehow migrated to the room they occupied.

The two kissed for a rather long time until they heard a cough from behind them and a “Christmas dinner is almost ready! Please everyone meet in the dining room! Oh, Draco dear, how great of you to join us…Harry, will Draco be staying for dinner?”

“Oh, um thank you very much Mrs. Weasley, but I really shouldn’t impose.” Draco’s mother had always taught him to politely refuse an invite on the first request.

“Nonsense Draco! Any _friend_ of Harry’s is a _friend_ of ours! Isn’t that right, Ron?” George nudged his brother in the arm and almost died of laughter watching his face turn red.

“Sod off, George!” Harry watched as Ron pushed his brother back and gave a small smile to Draco.

Draco decided to sit down at the table directly next to Harry. He looked up and made eye contact with Charlie who gave a hesitant smile. Draco turned his attention to Harry who reached a hand under the table to look for Draco’s and gave it a small squeeze. The two looked at each other and Draco felt his chest tighten.

Draco couldn’t wait to give Harry his gift later.


End file.
